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it’s 0535 in the morning…
n i just “finished” preparing for my last n one of the most critical lab assessment …
in a few hours time… my fate for 208(data acquisition and instrumentation) shall be determined … argh…
if im going to fail this module…. oh gawd… i don’t want to think about it!
screwed! im so freaking awake now.

You gently extended your palm to me and in my heart I fell into the sky

taken from the lyrics of Brise … a song from Malice Mizer
lyrics by Gackt; Music by Kozi

and who’s going to extend their palm to me?
the loneliness that i go through…
it’s like lacking a part of me
whenever i have to go through unhappy events, (they always happen)
i never felt the presence of a soulmate before.
maybe im asking for too much.
because, i have great friends and family.
but, is asking to meet the “one” too tough a request from Santa? (im a good girl ya know)
all i can say, no one has given me the right feeling before.
maybe once, but after that… i don’t feel it anymore.
it’s like, everyone’s in their own world… never interacting with mine.
not even my own family, my best pal, my closest one.
i heard this phrase from somewhere, (i think some drama…)

“Everyone is so tired of life, that they sold their souls to their ears”
-or somewhere down that line-

i hail to that…
and that’s why, i need good music.
i love songs with raise-goosebumps kinda lyrics, meaningful and sometimes poetic…
regardless of the music… even rock songs can be as romantic as ballads.
some of the tunes i heard, they make me feel that there is still a possibility of finding someone in the big big world out there – yes, even before knowing the meaning of the lyrics.
some tunes can touch my heart, in this way.
after understanding the lyrics, i can further affirm myself that there are actually people who think alike (being a little ego over here; bear with me for alittle), my wild imagination is not stupid and im definitely not alone – being disillusioned, unrealistic and all.

walking down the street, i see nothing but fleeting shadows,
no faces… but just figures
(unless there are some hot babes or cute hunks)
no one bothers about other people…
nobody says “Hi” to a stranger over here.
and if you smile, they think you’re crazy.
if you ask for directions, they find you a hassle.
you break down on the road, they stare.
no one will offer their warm hugs and ask, “hey, are you alright?”.
though , i prefer to be left alone when i start wailing.
after all these years, i’ve learnt to disregard other people’s presence when im outside – even in school.
i don’t even remember people from my JC(junior college), secondary sch and pri school, unless we’re still keeping in contact.
for most of them, whenever i see them in campus(uni), i don’t even have the slightest idea of their names.
and that’s why, people don’t remember mine.

i wish for the chance to fall into the sky, to drown in air, to suffocate in water, freeze in fire and blaze in snow. All these feelings, no one has given me the chance to experience the true passion of life before.

therefore, i look forward to my future. when i meet more people.
when i have the TIME to meet more people.
schoolwork really sucks.

isn’t he perfect?
im willing to lose my individuality for him.
okie that’s a joke.
i don’t have it to start with.
that’s a joke too.



One Comment

  1. Interesting…

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