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i’ve finally seen a little hope and light at the end of the tunnel that i’m crawling in …
there are however, uncertainties, insecurities and a lot of other problems that I face now and can forsee that I’ll face … but nonetheless, this is something worth celebrating for…

talking about being confined , i feel really restricted… out of place…
i hate:
– people who snatch taxis (especially those who go IN FRONT of you to flag the taxi when you had already been there for the past 20 mintues)
– people who rushes into the MRT when the passengers from inside have not even made their way out… (how can they, if everyone only cares about themselves…)
– KIDS(and their family who didn’t teach them well) who throw stones at cats (or any other animals; yes… even strays… they don’t owe you a living… throwing stones at them != to playing with them… wanna try play with me then? i’ll go pick up the pack of rocks that i bought..hold on cutie~…)

i dislike:
– parents who hit their kids in public
– parents who leash their kids to them in public
– parents who allow their kids to RUN all around the bus/train/shopping centre/bus interchange etc. …
(from here, i’m talking about the relationship among friends/acquaintance; people whom i know)
– people who are so fucking full of themselves that they cant see the good points of other people… they only see the bad points…
– people who choose only to see the bad points of other people
– people who think that they are of a different “caste” from other people
i dislike a lot of stuff, so … if im going to go on, this list will never end …
When i say i dislike something, i don’t mean that im the saint over here…
i just don’t like it when people are like that… i don’t always see good points in EVERYONE … but at least… i don’t try to pick out the bad points of people to dislike them …
There are people who read blogs just to find faults. Faults like:
– your english is not good
– you don’t even have a point in what you say, so why blog?
– your way of writing sucks, you have “lol”(s) in your posts
– you listen chinese music?
– you are too “cheena” (for being able to speak mandarin well, and type chinese in some of their blogs.)
– you are too vulgar
they are just examples …but such fucking-arsehole-fied creatures do exist…
not everyone can write and express themselves as well as the famous bloggers out there(that’s why they are famous)
and I’m sorry that my English sucks so much that I have to make you(the reader reading now) suffer hell-like tortures when reading my posts. I’m not an English teacher, neither am I a very “high class” speak-only-english kind of person.
I speak both mandarin and english, sometimes a little japanese to people who can understand them (bah …only simin and Eric can understand jap)
and I am fucking proud of myself that i am billingual…SO?
fucking look down on me because I speak mandarin right?
i shall type a post entirely in Mandarin one day when i’m idling… (for the sake of … nothing)
and burn the eyes of those who think that English is the only language in the world.
After that i shall use an online translator and translate the entire chinese post to japanese, and post it.
For no reason, really.
and when you load my blog, you will see ??? ??? ??? all around, because you did not enable the browser/ur PC to read foreign words. [hahaha…]
just like when you come across the chinese newspaper or any articles in chinese…
i bet you self-hypnotize yourself to see “???” (question marks) instead of the original headlines that is in fucking-elementary-primary-school kind of chinese.
then, you can go … “oh crap!! what the fuck is this cheena word? i don’t know!!” when the word is actually in your chinese name…

I do not self-proclaim that my chinese is FANTASTIC, in fact, for now, it sucks. After losing touch for so many freaking years(the only chinese stuff that i read now is my mangas), i can’t remember how to write and read many words. I had a tough time trying to write an essay in chinese for my Translation paper, it was only then that i realize that my chinese had indeed deterioriate by a great pile of shit. I’m not “INTO” the culture too. I don’t really agree with the chinese way of thinking. Especially in the definition of fillial piety, moral values, relationships , …. (yada yada….crap crap crap) a lot of stuff i don’t like … but still …

… …

I’m “cheena”. I like animes and mangas, I type “lol” every three words. I dress casually, so casual that most of you will think it’s bad sense of dressing. I don’t put on make up. I don’t read much. I didn’t even bother myself with reading the newspapers (but i will start to read them everyday, for the sake of my future job).
SO? i’m of a lower class? my IQ and EQ is lower because I’m like that? or because I’m nothing like you?
Fuck it…

sorry, bad mood…
despite having something to look forward to in my future, some afterthought of something just hds to spoil my mood..
anyway, i love this song… it’s from the OST of Silent Hill 4 : The Room
got me started in the “afterthought” that pissed me off…
haha … it all started with this statement
“The room that confines me”
Silent Hill 4: The Room OST
Tender Sugar

I run I fall
what ripped away
check my body now
was it body or soul
the darkness fades
fades to the light
disappearing now
disappears from the night

And all these nightmares I once had
as a child
the morning always came
it came too late
what did my mind forget
forget to hide
could be the nightmare be still awake
I don’t know

In or out up or down
never know its an illusion
round and round on and on
every day spins my confusion

Not again, not again, not again
from this dream I can’t awake
what is real, what is real, what is real
it’s getting hard for me to take
what I need, what I need, what I need
a little something I rely
and the white sugar gently hides me

Oh the sweet sugar saves me
it’s the room that confines me
confines me
sweet sugar

Yesterday back and forth
broken door
no longer opens
breaking down
need it now
mother’s sugar always loves me

Not again, not again, not again
from this dream I can’t awake
what is real, what is real, what is real
it’s getting hard for me to take
what I need, what I need, what I need
a little something I rely
and the white sugar gently hides me

Oh the sweet sugar saves me
it’s the room that confines me

Contributed by Tsubomi Koneko

Lyrics taken from



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