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recently alot of stuff happened…
hordes of events came piling on me!
i dunno who i should thank that im still alive n feeling better … (than yesterday i must say)
my great grandmother’s in hospital and everyone’s kind of in a panic state…
or should i say the people in my family(distant relatives) who are very fucking hypocritical …
when i visited my great grandmother yesterday … the visitor of another patient told us (my mom n i) that a dozen of people went to visit my greatgrandma in the day…
but well…
they were “waiting for their turn” n while doing that…all of them were chatting (n i guess, disturbing the other patients in the ward, i should state that they are rather uncivilised in my point of view n as far as i can remember)
What the fuck they making a big deal that everyone must visit my great grandma but they themselves are so fucking superficial…
for one , im the kind that only do something that im sincere in doing and nothing else
not that im not a hypocrite or wat
but i just don’t like to do things that i dont want to do
or do things just for the sake of doing (i hope u noe wat i mean)
maybe that’s why people find me wierd
i just cant take it … n dun understand why people (esp my family members ; not talking about my mom of course…she’s an angel!!)
im really tired nowadays…
i guess its the mentioning of the word “hospital” that made me tired..
i seem to have a phobia of it…
a long story … too long to tell…so please forgive me for not being able to share today !!
well…
two persons in my life are admitted …
one critical
i guess the only thing i can do is to stay strong and concentrate on what’s ahead…
school perhaps …
since one of my friend was saying “Studies are impt!!”
i hate that when he says it to me..
i dun like people to remind me … of that sickening fact
coz frankly speaking
i do give a damn about studies although i usually say otherwise…
but i just dun wanna keep talking about it (avoiding the problem i guess)
n i hate it when people keep telling me … studies are impt … u should not miss lessons otherwise it’s difficult to catch up!!
fuck that!
to me … i guess if i think another event has priority over lectures n tutorial
no matter how stupid or worthless that event is to other people … i will still do it …
of course…events include resting at home – i think escaping from lessons (quite literally n not-so-literally) helps me do better after that…
pushing myself too much will only cause negative effects…
n i hate people pushing me … seriously!
maybe that’s one point about my bf that i like …
he doesn’t stress me out …
he lets me choose what i think is best for me … (most of the time – coz there are times where i don’t think that rationally also … im quite a irrational person when im emotional or over-engrossed in something …for e.g. animes n mangas – i can spend all my money on them n not have any money left for food -_-“)
well … i guess i jsut need someone to support me and not preach me …
when im all beaten up and have broken down from the stress from daily life …
he always seems to be there to give me a hand …
he will listen to my rantings and won’t scold me or preach me even though the things i do are not correct (not correct != wrong) — in case u don’t noe != is “not equals”

i guess…i’ve crapped enough…
im just in another super shitty mode…n mood…
sorrie to complain so much …
haiz…
-Angeline-

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